Your arrival should be any day now. As it gets closer, my impatience gets intolerable and my excitement to finally meet you is immeasurable. I hope to someday be able to have words adequate to tell you everything you’ve done for me, even in these months leading up to our big face-to-face introduction, but until I find adequate words, I hope these ones give you a glimpse into your significance in my life.

When I turned 13, your Nana and Papa DeGroat threw me a big “coming-of-age” party and I had to give a small speech. I declared in this speech that I was officially renouncing my former goal of becoming the first female president for an even grander call in life. I wanted to be a mom. I realized that my ability to mother (well) and run an entire country probably would cause conflict, so I chose the role I thought better. The role of a mother.

The summer after I turned 13, I got to accomplish my life-long goal of going to Africa to work with orphans. I had a 4 year old girl ask me to be her Mom. My heart broke realizing that there was no way possible. The passion I had for the kids I met was contagious and explosive. I came home and immediately began planning my next trip back to these orphans. My desire to mother them, to teach them, to love on them, to raise them, was so strong. In all honesty, I started to wonder if this overwhelming desire to be a Mom was going to be fulfilled through my role with the motherless in Africa.

Years down the road I became very active in Kids Ministry through a couple different locations, a couple different opportunities. Every week I would see kids who needed a voice speaking life over them, needed a hug and a smile when greeted, needed to be checked in on during the week to see how their spelling test went. This opportunity became a career. I got a “job” doing something I absolutely adore- pastoring kids. In a way, mothering them. Even though many of them have beautiful moms who devote everything to their kids, I got to do a spiritual mothering that few have the opportunity to do.

Once again, in all honesty, I wondered if this career, this calling, was going to be the fulfillment of my lifelong wish of being a mother. I had received prophetic words about being a Mother and a Mother to the Nations. Everything in life, all of the random circumstances began to point to my career, my calling, my “job” as being the fulfillment of this desire to be a Mom. I was slowly coming to terms with this idea.

And then one quiet April morning that all changed. The moment I realized that you existed. The day I found out that this life-long goal was quite literally going to happen. Not “just” through other opportunities, but in real life- I get to be a mom. I get to be YOUR mom.

These past few months have brought about several transitions, several circumstances, several stories that I’ll tell you as you grow up. I’ve been learning a lot about me, my giftings, my calling. The most significant transition is that I have been given the opportunity to devote more attention to you and less attention to my career, my job.

One thing you should know about me is I tend to think I’m Super Woman. I tend to think there’s nothing I can’t do; there’s nothing I can’t conquer. If a task is put in front of me, I’m going to complete it. I have trouble admitting when something is too big for me to handle, for me to control. God’s taught me a lot these past few months about that. About trusting Him to be in control. About being realistic about what I’m gifted at. About recognizing that I don’t just hold myself back, but many others, when I try to do everything myself (especially the things intended for someone else to do).

It was a tough realization to come to. The realization that similar to my decision about backing off my desire to be the first female president for the sake of devoting my abilities to being a Mom- my ability to manage a huge career and my ability to be a good mom, might conflict. One would ultimately suffer. The realization that there are a lot of people who can do my “job” but only I can be your Mom. Only I GET to be your mom.

I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t do both, that I couldn’t handle both. But, a very wise friend made a statement one evening that drastically changed my viewpoint. One evening while seeking prayer during this transition, seeking support- this friend said this:

“Think of it this way. You have been devoting everything you have to nearly 1,000 kids. And you’ve been doing it well. God, for whatever reason, is calling you away from the thousand to devote your everything to 1. You have no clue who you’re raising. But, if God thinks they’re this important, I’d venture to say your full attention is going to be required.”

I get to be your Mom. You are the fulfillment of a life-long wish. An ultimate goal. You are incredibly important. You are deeply significant and special.

Thankfully, I get to remain a part of the team I work with and I get to continue to pour into over 1,000 kids lives every week. That isn’t changing. But, you get my first and best attention. You get to be the priority. These two roles won’t have to conflict.

Anxious to meet you my Little Love. And very ready to give you my best, my first, my all.